It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged. Maybe I’m just over it. Maybe I’ve found it best to leave my streams of consciousness locked in my mind. I don’t know. It’s been months since I lost my job and I don’t think the feeling of unemployment has really sunk in. I feel like things have been nonstop nonetheless and it’s these quiet, early mornings that make me realize that I really have nowhere to be…except home with my family. School starts in June and will probably just in time before the lonely days start to drive me mad. I think it’s high time for a career change…it’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it for a few years already. I still have the sneaking suspicion that even when I am nursing professionally, I will still be sucked into the net that technology buffs often are. Only this time I will understand it from the clinical and technological perspectives…which could be dangerous if I don’t do what I can to avoid it.
I am a little worried about going back to school. I did so badly the last times and have never been a very good student. I always wanted to learn things on my own terms, in my own way. If a topic interested me, I wanted to study that and not progress on the ordained route. Now I need to grow up. I need to buckle down and do what needs to be done to get where I want to be in my life. I hope this new path I’ve chosen doesn’t wear thin in ten years’ time. But, I guess that’s likely to happen for anyone. I just want to be good, do well and be happy. Fruitpie says I have a lot of potential…and I’m not quite sure what that means. I have a hard time grasping exactly what potential is…definition aside. I am not sure if it is something that can ever be fulfilled…or if I have just spent my past sabotaging myself before I surpass the precipice. I know I am young, but I feel old. I know that I have plenty of time to figure out what I want with my life…and all of these changing variables will invariably lead me in many directions as time progresses. This is just one of many precipices that I will be perched upon…and failure is not an option. I know I can do this. I’ve thought about doing this for many months. I just want to get started instead of having three more months to think about it on my quiet, unemployed, housewife mornings.

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