Random Acts

My Fruit pointed out that I’ve been home for a month now. It seems like much longer, but not in a bad way. I had hoped to have gotten more done by now. I guess it takes a while to adjust to the new pace of being home. My house is much cleaner than it was when I quit the hospice. I’ve perfected some of my cooking skills/recipes…the kids seem much happier, and my Fruit seems more content and calm when she comes home…as long as I don’t leave oil spots in the driveway. I still haven’t gotten a solid routine down yet. I’ve been more tired than I had anticipated, and with this dreadful heat wave, our sleep has been pretty bad. We went to the gym last night around nine o’clock and it was 85 out. I don’t mind the humidity so much, but the hot air seems to permeate everything and leaves me totally drained. I still haven’t painted yet…and I had hoped to finish what I was working on weeks ago. The oil is dry now, and I’ll probably have to apply a coat of turpentine before I start to avoid starting over with a whole new pallette. I used to be exceptional at matching the colors just by looking at them. Now, I have little faith in my ability to do that. I don’t feel the balance the way I used to…and seem more in tune with mixing flavors than hues. I wouldn’t say I’m a good cook, but I’ve definitely gotten better than when I first met my Fruit.
I’ve lost much of the day again. My stomach has been upset since early this morning, and in spite of that I feel like eating everything in sight. It’s like I’m sabotaging myself for having had a good workout last night. I really should be losing weight, but I really haven’t been…and our lovely scale still tells me that I’m just as overfat as I was weeks ago, so I can’t even pretend it’s muscle. I am still amused at the “overfat” thing, though. For what it’s worth, anyway.
Fruitpie is going to be home with me starting tomorrow. I should really be working hard to get the house clean, but I think all I’ll really succeed at today is mopping the bathroom again and doctoring up leftovers. The heat and this little dog have made our honeymoon suite less than desireable, and I’m almost at a loss for how to fix it. I think the only option I have left is getting on my hands and knees with a brush and going tile for tile. Perhaps I should wait for Fruit to be home so she can at least enjoy the view from the bed. I’ll wear my little shorts and everything. I’m continually shocked that she still enjoys looking at my fat ass, but it does wonders for my ego.
Speaking of my fat ass, I should try to get working again. Once my Fruit gets home, I’m not going to be able to get a thing done.

I had a late start today…it seems that I’m having a lot of those. So many, in fact, that the opposite is no longer the norm. Nut was a very bad girl last night and sleeping downstairs in the kitchen was her punishment. This worked out well until 2:30 when she woke up, undoubtedly forgetting why she was all alone downstairs. Once I got my ass out of bed to take care of her, she was giving me full body wags and her signature whistle squeaks. I told myself that after I let her potty and go back to sleep, I would go back upstairs. A couple hours later, I was still sleeping on the couch and Fruit was getting ready for work. I’m such a pushover.
I had a dentist appointment at 10:30 which had rendered me useless for a few hours. By the time my ass will be fully in gear, my Fruit will be home and ready to go to the gym. My mouth is still numb. In the waiting room there were two young children. One, a little boy, was at about teething age and his older sister was at that age where they are constantly chattering. They were playing noisily amongst themselves for about ten minutes before they involved me. The little girl was building “power flowers” with her blocks and giving them to me. Then the little boy would come to me with another block and try to add to the one I was holding. He was absolutely delighted with the success at which he could fit them in place when I was holding them. Of course, I had to flip them upside down and right side up depending on the block he was holding, but it was absolutely adorable. He was so happy and expressive…and the little girl was clearly jealous of him. For a good half hour, those two totally distracted me from the fact that I was at the dentist’s office and a big fat needle was waiting for me in the back.
It’s only Tuesday and I am so ready for the weekend…for my Fruit to be home with me. I hope this heat lets up a little and we can finally get some decent sleep.

It’s 75 degrees already and the girls are panting on the tile. It’s probably the coolest part of the house right now. I have to go to Costco today to pick up some random household stuff…and I’ll probably buy a few fans, too. Fruit and I have been sleeping like shit the past few days. Without the AC it’s miserable, there’s no breeze to blow through the windows and with the AC on, it gets too cold and expensve. I don’t even want to see the electric bill this month…and I don’t remember it being so miserable last year. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten so much fatter than this time last year. We were still smoking then…and every once in a while I still get that craving.
I spent the entire day yesterday cleaning the house. There is still much to be done. I think I’ve gotten pretty good at the superficial cleaning, but it’s never going to stay that way long if I don’t break down and work on the cabinets, closets and drawers. The deep cleaning takes me forever. I can’t help but hyperfocus on it. I end up doing a great job, but it takes me thrice as long as a normal person because I get so obsessive. I asked my Fruit to make me some drawer organizers…partly because I can’t find anything decent in the stores and partly because it may be buying me a little time. I know it won’t be a difficult task for my Fruitpie.
I am already having trouble getting my thoughts in order for the day…and I don’t know where to begin. It’s going to be miseable again…and I think my first order of business will be to get those new fans.

My house has become a mess again and I’m not sure how I managed it. I want to blame everything but myself, but, I know the truth as well as anyone else in this house. I did, however, overdo it at the gym as much as I hate to admit it. I’ve been pounding down tylenol for a few days, and I’m still aching. I spent the better part of yesterday sleeping on the couch…partly because I was aching and partly because we didn’t get any sleep the night before. It was at least 80 in the house and we’ve been trying not to run the AC too much. I just need to break down and get us some fans next time I go to Costco. What do you think, Fruit?
The boys are sound asleep in the front room and the girls are lying by my feet on the tile. It’s already over 90 degrees outside, despite the cloudiness. I had a dream last night that we were having some massive thunderstorms, and given the odd weather outside it wouldn’t surprise me. It’s the kind of day that one would be inclined to call earthquake weather. White sky, hot air and not even the faintest breeze. The scientists always made a great argument as to why the weather doesn’t affect earthquake activity…but I always did wonder if the opposite might be true. If the ocean currents and the alignment of the earth in relation to the mon affect the tides and winds, why wouldn’t the inner workings of the earth’s plates not affect them as well? I guess that’s just one more of my stupid ponderings for which there is probably a great explanation. When I was a kid, I used to get in trouble for arguing my points in school…and the teachers would go to great lengths to shoot me down. My favorite arguments were probably all in religion classes, though. In high school, I had a religion teacher my senior year who very closely resembled a penis. He was one of those high and mighty types with the even toned voice and always a hint of pious smile on his face. His name was Redondo, but I often slipped in childish fashion and called him Redildo. It wasn’t very clever, but it was always good for a chuckle. This one day, we were having a discussion about the story in the bible that says masturbation is a sin. I don’t remember the details, but the jist was that some guy went into his brother’s house and rather than fucking his sister-in-law, he jacked off all over the floor. This act greatly pissed off God. I distincly remember the conversation that followed. Redildo was adamant that God was angered by the act of masturbating and I was just as adamant that it was the whole thing that was wrong. I was sent outside for the rest of the class for saying, “Dude, if my brother jacked off to my wife in my house and splooged all over my floor, I would be furious too. It’s not that he masturbated, it’s where and when.” I was curious what happened with the rest of the class, but I think I had a little too much fun pissing that guy off. It’s amazing I graduated.
I’m on my third diet coke of the day and should really cut back. I’ve been resolving with every can to quit caffeine again, but it just doesn’t seem to be working out. I have a ton of work to do, and my Fruit is off to work for the day. My house really isn’t too horrible, but my resolve to fix it is severely tweaking and I can’t seem to focus…as evidenced by the extreme randomness of yet another pointless blog.

It’s 99 degrees outside and I’m fucking miserable. I had a bad headache this morning and ended up staying in until one or so. I had to pick up some things and needed to do it before my Fruit comes home. I packed her a sorry lunch today, and I’m planning to make up for it at dinner. I broke down and turned on the air conditioning when I got home. I couldn’t stop sweating and if I’m going to get any work done today, I have to do something. Even the girls perked up when it fell below 85 in the house. I couldn’t imagine how miseable it would be to be covered in hair. They say that the undercoat keeps them cool, but that logic makes no sense to me. Maybe the experts should put on a couple coats and see if it cools them down. Maggie’s been panting incessantly. I may be tempted to join them laying on the tile if this keeps up.
It’s almost four and I haven’t gotten my fruit to tell me whether she’s coming home early or not. I have quite a bit of cooking to do and the groceries are still sitting on the ground. I’ve been so tired this week. I don’t know if it’s the heat or allergies, but I felt like crap this morning. Making lunch for my Fruit wasn’t even coming easy today.
I think the heat may even be frying some brain cells. I felt like I had so much to say, and here I am babbling about nothing. I seem to spend a lot of time in my head as I’m home alone all day. The girls don’t provide much conversation…just comic relief mostly. I really need to either stop talking to myself or start writing it down. The latter is probably more healthy.

My sweet Fruit pie stayed home sick yesterday. It’s amazing how good the day turned out to be. I still can’t get anything done when she’s home, but we were finally able to have a relaxing day together…even if the girls wouldn’t let her sleep. The whole thing made me wish she could spend a few more days home sick.
I finally got the doctor’s office to send the proper forms to the cryobank yesterday, but I think I’m done with them. I’m going to research some other places. Who knows, maybe I can find a better price somewhere else. I wanted to try this cycle, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. I’ve been drinking too much caffeine anyway. Fruit’s talking about giving up and adopting. I would love to adopt a child, but I am not ready to give up on getting pregnant just yet…and it will be easier to plan now that I’m home. I couldn’t be making the kinds of calls and follow through when I was working. There weren’t enough hours in the day, and the last thing I wanted to be talking about on the work phone was sperm and insemination. Who knows what that bag of crap across from me could really hear.
I have a lot of work to do today as usual…maybe even a little more since I didn’t get much done yesterday. I’m going to hit the gym…and hopefully I’ll have the energy to make a dent in my housework.

I was having an exceptionally odd dream this morning when the alarm finally summoned me from bed. I was standing in line at plowboys with two honeydew melons weighing exactly seven pounds together. There were quite a few people ahead of me and directly in front there were two girly girls about my age. The one in front of me asked the one in front of her what color a dark complexioned woman’s clitoris is. I remember wondering if I heard right and if so, how would the other girl know? They concluded that the owner of the genitalia in question had a tattoo, which brought the conversation to how they would go about having it reversed…at which point I blurted out that they would have to change their hoodie to a crew…or maybe even a V-neck. Now, where in the hell did that come from? I immediately thought back to a woman I used to work with at P and Ass. She was a very creepy, incessantly happy woman so into her lord and savior that her passwords alternated between sweetjesus and lightoftheworld. Her name, if I remember correctly, was Merrily…and it’s no surprise that she annoyed the crap out of me. One day in the lunch room, I haven’t a clue what we were actually talking about, she started explaining female circumcision and how it really increases sexual pleasure. The thought of having a change in neckline still makes me clamp my legs together in terror, but I can’t help but wonder where in the hell this suppressed memory came from and why it surfaced last night.
It’s quit possible that my mind was disturbed by a phone call I got last night. My mother called at about eight o’clock, and Fruit urged me to talk to the woman. She was pathetic and boring as usual…nothing good to say and full of health and financial complaints. At Fruit’s request, I asked if she got the flowers we sent for Mother’s Day and her response was that she would rather get a phone call. She continued on her guilt attempts saying that my father isn’t doing well without any elaboration. I don’t know what the hell she’s referring to, but it’s probably his mental state as usual. They’re still suing this poor woman over an accident they had three years ago. They were rearended on the freeway at a fairly good rate of speed, and they are trying in prime angelino style to milk it for all they can. They apparently got a continuance on the case or something, in her words. She claims to have spinal cord problems and has somehow convinced herself that my dad’s cataract had something to do with the accident as well. The whole thing makes me sick. It makes me feel incredibly guilty that I have no respect for them, but things like this just make it all the worse. Everybody has close calls on the freeway and everybody has accidents. I’m ashamed that my own parents would see this opportunity as a gold mine. It’s pathetic how they think they can take this one thing and make it the reason for all of their problems.
Before I fell asleep last night, I remembered back to the last accident they sued over. We were on our way to see Back to the Future 2 at the drive-in and my dad decided to drive through the Texaco Car Wash down the road. I think the wash was half way through when a drunk guy decided he’s waited long enough and started pushing us out. My dad claimed that he was pushing on the brake so hard that he injured his foot. We spent hours at the lawyer’s office for the next couple years over this stupid thing. Before the depositions, the whole family was urging me to cry and say how scared I was during the event. The truth was that I didn’t understand why my dad didn’t just drive out and report the guy. True, his wash wasn’t finished and he would have been out about a buck, but the guy wasn’t pushing us that hard and it wouldn’t have been an issue to simply drive forward rather than slamming on the brake. I refused to lie and luckily, I didn’t have to. They ended up awarding $500 to my brother and I, and wisely put it in accounts that my parents would never have access to. That $800 a few years ago allowed me to take a huge chunk out of my bills at the time, but it was totally unnecessary to drag that stupid thing out and punish a young child for refusing to lie.
That dreadful woman may call during the day now, and I’m kicking myself for telling her the truth about what’s going on in my life. I think I’ll just let the machine pick up. It’s just not worth it to talk to that woman.

Time has totally gotten away from me today. I spent the greater part of my morning running errands and at the gym. I left at 8:30 and didnt come home until almost noon. It’s almost four now and I don’t know where the rest of my day has gone. I feel like I’ve been cooking for the past couple hours and all I’ve really done is put together marinades before I get the ribs and chicken on the grill. There is so much to do…always so much. Fruit wanted me to take some of the day off today since we didn’t get much down time this weekend. The truth is that I can’t. If I stop myself now, I won’t be able to pick up for the rest of the day…and it’s been pretty much proven that I can’t get any housework done when she’s home.
Our little girls have been sleeping all day. I tried to keep them up and moving so they’ll sleep tonight, but they’re having none of it. They are still exhausted from yesterday and I can’t say it’s not tempting me to curl up on the couch along with them. I don’t know where the time goes. At work, hours dragged to the point that I could barely keep my eyes open…and now I can’t seem to get my feet on the ground. If it’s not one thing, there’s always something else. I’m drinking way too much soda and cooking way too many things today. I miss my Fruit, and it’s only Monday. 4:00 on Monday. I need to get my ass moving again.

This was actually a really great weekend. My Fruit was home on Friday and she spent much of it working on the honey-do list I made for her. On Saturday, I helped her work on the shelves she’s been planning for the garage and managed to change the design halfway through the project and long after we’d left the hardware store. Normally we would just go back out, but it was fucking hot this weekend. If it’s this hot in June, I don’t even want to think about July. I have to keep reminding myself of how bad it used to be in the SFV. Summers were miserable, not only because it was hot and dry but the stench…that indescribable stench that emanated from the baking concrete was unbearable. It would start to dissipate as August approached, but I am not entirely sure that I didn’t just become immune to it. Even in the heat, I would take this valley over SFV any day.
Our little Nut lost the first of her teeth this weekend, too. I noticed on Thursday that she hasn’t been chewing her food, which has been making her sick, but it didn’t occur to me that she was getting her adult teeth. It’s almost time for her to get fixed, and I can’t believe how fast she is growing up. We decided to take them both to the lagoon yesterday. By the time Mags was Nut’s age, she had been to the beach and the lagoon more times than we can count. It’s one of the things I miss about living in Oceanside. A trip to the beach used to be a matter of throwing some towels in the truck and driving a couple miles. Now it’s a long procession that usually involves pulling over once each way to take care of a car sick puppy. She did surprisingly well in the car, though. I still had my motherly duties, but, she is definitely growing up. This was Nut’s first trip, but Maggie seemed to know immediately where we were when we got to College and El Camino. She could barely contain hereslf when we were in the cul-de-sac, and those two little tails were beating the seats in no time.
It could have been her age, but Mags took a long time to take to swimming. She would wade in the water happily, but I would have to coax her out further by walking out up to my waist and calling her to me. It only took Nut an hour or so to be swimming half as far as Maggie after the ball. It could be her big sister’s influence, but my little Nut is bold and fearless…if not just plain stupid sometimes. The only time I saw her scared yesterday was when a chihuahua came snarling at her. He was half her size, but sent her whimpering behind my legs like she used to when she was much smaller. They did amazingly well, and I couldn’t be a prouder mom.
I’m still exhausted from the outings. I have a lot of work to do this week and don’t really know where to begin. Maybe a load of laundry and dishes. I can’t stand a dirty kitchen…even when the rest of the house may be clean. I’ll probably hit the gym, too…before I go to the stores and hopefully before the heat of the day renders me useless.

It’s my Fruit’s friday and she’s running late. I haven’t had a very productive day and should be taking advantage of the fact that she’s still at work. I woke up with a headache and managed to fall asleep on the couch twice today. I know she won’t mind, but I hate feeling like this. I don’t even remember dreaming last night and woke up to the puppy in my face. Sometimes I wish she had a snooze button. I think all that horrible sleep this week has caught up with me. All I want to do today is lay down and be lazy…motionless. I have dinner marinating in the fridge and fruit salad sitting on the island next to the pile of pits and rinds that are still on the cutting board. It’s finally cooled down, but I can’t get myself to do a thing. Grilling dinner is probably going to be the climax of my productivity for the day.